Goddamn it, last night was terrible.
Goddamn it, last night my old nemesis came back to haunt me. And yes, I've complained about it before at here and now I'm complaining again.
Goddamn it, last night I lost my sleep again.
Now it's not the first time I've complained about sleep depravations, and certainly this won't be my last time complaining about this either. However, the most problematic thing about me being unable to sleep last night is that I'm actually sick during these few weeks and the last thing I need is the lack of sleep.
It goes without saying that rest is one of the many essential ways to stay healthy, and I'll admit I'm terrible at achieving that because I always sleep pretty late (Mostly at 01:30) and thus I always don't quite have enough rest. But because I wake up so late the next day (Way after 09:00), things sort of cancel each other out and it has not quite cause much problems for me, at least until I have a night that I can't sleep.
A night without sleep often, to me, meant that my body clock needs resetting. Mostly this is due to me sleeping too late the previous day and thus making me wake up even later, then my body clock just sort of treat that as the signal of me having all my daily activities postponed to later times and then, with everything moved to later times, so is my sleeping time and it's a vicious cycle.
For me, the only effective way of breaking away from this cycle is to have a night when my sleeping time is incredibly short or even to avoid sleeping entirely (Though the latter is way easier to accomplish because waking up at 5 in the morning is incredibly difficult). Now when I'm not sick, I'll be happy to go with that (if that's what happened) because the benefit of doing this (Having the next few nights with no trouble sleeping) outweighs the costs (Being tired for the whole day). Plus, now I'm enjoying my Summer Holiday, my schedule is incredibly flexible since I have nothing to do, so the costs of me doing this is even lower, precisely because I have nothing on my schedule and no one is going to be affected by this. However, when I am sick, it's a whole other story.
Things have been really unpleasant for me for the last 2 weeks or so because I got sick. And because of this, everything changes on the aforementioned policy towards sleep depravations. Now when one's sick, the logical thing to do is to increase their rest time (AKA sleep more), so any sleep depravations will be quite a trouble for one who's sick because it deprives you of valuable rest time.
That's essentially what happened to me last night. I've got no sleep for the entire night precisely because my brain is in an excited state for the whole night. And to make things worse, I have an appointment with the doctor this morning so I can't catch up those lost sleep by sleeping through the morning. And the result is that for the entire day I was plagued by fatigue. Nothing in my body feels like working, all I feel is that "I want to sleep" and yet I can't and I shouldn't either.
It might sound very problematic to you outsiders but my past experience told me that napping don't quite improve things for me, regardless of the time I'm executing that.
It may seem senseless that I actually forbid myself from napping. After all, my schedule is always empty and taking a nap is not going to affect anyone. And anyway, it's my time, I can do whatever I like. Yes, theoretically I can just nap at anytime I feel fatigued but in practice, this act has a huge ramification in my sleep cycle. Obviously, napping is to extend one's time to stay awake and thus, increase one's productivity because no one can do things properly when they are fatigued. However, this extension of the length of time being awake also implies that the chance of me sleeping late also greatly increases since I now have more energy in reserve for me to work later. So, napping actually defies my goal of "Wanting to sleep earlier the next day".
Okay, after all this ranting and moaning, I have to confess, I did nap today because I cannot bear with the fatigue anymore, and though I feel better now. I'm a tad worried that I'm going to lose my sleep again tonight.
Goddamn it, last night was terrible.
又在抱怨失眠了。
本來這會是「致艦娘們的一封信」（這會是寫給加古的，原因相信各位提督也很清楚）的其中一篇。不過今天實在沒心情寫短文，所以就把所有想吐槽的通通用英文放到這裡去，至於「致加古的一封信」如無意外就會擱置不寫了（但是「致艦娘們的一封信」這系列還是會繼續）。
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